


a radiant darkness upon us

by empressearwig



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Not Canon Compliant, Quests, Relationship Status: It's Complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-20 21:46:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2444306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empressearwig/pseuds/empressearwig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On her 21st birthday, Zatanna comes into her inheritance of the Zatara family estate: Shadowcrest. The house, however, is not all that it seems on the surface, and in a hidden room off the library, Zatanna uncovers her full family history. As she sets out to uncover whether the mother she's believed to be dead her entire life is actually alive, she must deal with not only the darker secrets of her family's past, but her own unraveling emotions surrounding her family, her friends, and her love life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a radiant darkness upon us

**Author's Note:**

> This story has taken almost two years to write and would almost certainly not have been finished without the encouragement/assistance from several people, most prominent among them: torigates, magisterequitum, and normativejean. Even though they will never know of this, I also owe a debt of gratitude to the National for writing the song from which I stole the title of this fic.
> 
> Written for [DCU Big Bang](http://dcu-bang.livejournal.com/).

**Shadowcrest  
October 21, 2000**

It was storming. 

Zatanna woke to a clap of thunder and huddled under her pink comforter, holding onto her stuffed giraffe. She wanted her mama and her papa, but her room was dark and she was scared of what was under her bed. Papa said that there weren't monsters there, but Zatanna _knew_.

"Mama?" she called out, trying to make her voice loud enough so that someone could hear her over the storm. "Papa?"

She waited and she waited and no one came. She remembered what papa said about being brave, that if she believed that she was, she would be. She clutched her giraffe closer and pushed back the covers. She slid out of bed and ran for the door. There would be a light in the hall. She would be safe there.

But the hall was dark too, and she fumbled her way down the hall until she found mama and papa's door. It wasn't closed all the way, so she didn't have to knock and she pushed the door open wider. Papa was sitting on the side of the bed, holding onto something.

"Papa?" she said from her spot at the door. 

He turned to look at her and his whole face fell. He was across the room in two steps and she was up in his arms, held tightly against his chest. "Zatanna," he said, stroking his hand over her hair. "Zatanna, my little girl."

Zatanna looked over his shoulder for mama, but mama wasn't in bed the way she always was. "Papa, where's Mama?"

For a long time, Papa didn't answer, just shook his head against her hair and squeezed her tighter. She struggled in his arms and he loosened his grip. He pulled back, just far enough that she could see his face and said, "Sweetie, she's gone. Mama's gone, Zatanna."

Papa started to cry then, and pulled her back into his arms. Zatanna let him, confused as to what he meant, but knowing that he was very sad and that mama always said that when someone was sad you were supposed to try to make them feel better.

The house shook with more thunder and Zatanna never heard the sound of the Shadowcrest's heavy doors falling closed.

**Wayne Manor, Gotham City  
May 20, 2017**

The front doors opened and Zatanna made herself smile at the person on the other side of them. "Hi, Alfred."

"Miss Zatanna," he said, stepping back to let her inside. "It's a pleasure to see you again. We haven't seen you here in quite some time."

"No," Zatanna agreed, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "It's been awhile. But then not much changes here, does it?"

"Zee."

Zatanna's head turned towards the stairs. Dick was standing there, hands in his pockets, looking down on her with worried eyes. She'd told him that she didn't want him here today, but there had never been any chance that he would listen. She loved that about him. She hated that about him.

"Dick," she said, nodding her head at him. "I didn't think I'd see you today."

He raised an eyebrow at her, worry temporarily giving way to amusement. "Really?"

"No." She decided to leave it at that and shrugged out of her coat, handing it to Alfred. He took it with a nod and disappeared in his Alfred-like way.

Dick's mouth turned up in a half smile as he watched her, and when she was finished he inclined his head in the direction of the second floor. "Should we go up?"

"I should go up," she corrected. She started for the stairs and began to climb. Dick fell in behind her when she passed him, and she could feel his gaze on her legs. "Stop," she said, not really meaning the words even as she said them.

"You're going to tell me that you wore that skirt and those shoes and didn't think I'd look?" he countered. He reached up and took her hand then, twining their fingers together. "I know you better than that, Zee."

She pried her fingers loose. She didn't want to play today. "You can look," she said, because he wasn't wrong about why she'd worn the shoes. "But that doesn't mean you can touch." They reached the top of the stairs and she stopped, waiting for him to join her on the landing. "Bruce's office is down the east corridor, isn't it?"

"Yes," Dick said. He looked down at her with his concerned face, and Zatanna knew what the next words out of his mouth would be before he even spoke them. "I could go with you. If you wanted."

She stretched up on her toes to kiss his cheek and then wiped the trace of lipstick away with her thumb. "Thank you," she said. "But no. I think I need to do this on my own."

He nodded, his face still heavy with the worry that he wasn't speaking. "I'll be here when you're done."

She made herself smile again and patted him on the chest as she passed him by. "You're a good man, Dick Grayson."

"Don't tell anyone," he called after her as she walked down the hall.

"Who'd believe me?" she called back, and his laughter chased her all the way to Bruce's office door.

Zatanna squared her shoulders and knocked. It was time to finally hear the terms of her father's will.

**New York City  
May 20, 2017**

Someone was knocking on her apartment door. Zatanna ignored it and poured herself more wine. Wine that she had legally purchased for herself, for a change. It turned out there were perks to turning twenty-one. The ability to buy wine and officially becoming an heiress, all in one day. 

She picked up her wine glass and drank deep. 

"Zatanna, I know you're in there!" Artemis's voice came from the other side of the door. "Unlock this right now."

"Please, Zatanna?" That was M'gann. "We just want to make sure you're alright."

Which meant that Dick had told them, which meant that she was going to be having words with him tomorrow. He wasn't going to like them.

"We're not leaving until you open the door," said Barbara. 

"You may as well give in now," Raquel added. "There are more of us than there are of you."

"Fine," Zatanna said loudly. She got up from the couch and stomped her way to the door, still clutching her wine glass. She flung the door open and frowned at all of them. "I hope you brought your own wine. I'm not sharing mine."

Raquel and Barbara each held up a bottle and Zatanna stepped back from the door. "I guess you can come in then."

"Such a gracious host," Artemis said, but she squeezed Zatanna's arm as she walked past.

M'gann hugged her, which was made unnecessarily complicated by the presence of her wine glass. "I'm sorry," she said, and then she went to join Raquel and Barbara in the tiny kitchen area.

Zatanna closed the door and leaned back against it, watching them all search through her kitchen cupboards for the wine glasses. Barbara found them over the sink and started handing them down to M'gann while Raquel fought with her corkscrew. 

Artemis was frowning at the DVD case on the coffee table. "Roman Holiday, really? Were you trying to make yourself as depressed as humanly possible?"

"Oh, I love that movie," M'gann said. "It's so romantic."

"Yes," Artemis said patiently. "And _sad_. It's one of Zatanna's break up movies. And since there hasn't been anyone for her to break up with," she looked up at Zatanna to clarify and Zatanna shook her head, "then clearly it's about whatever happened today."

Zatanna shrugged, but she didn't try to deny it. There was no point, not when your friends knew you so well and had sat through your post-break up rituals on more than one occasion. She made her way back into the living room and flopped down on the left side couch. Artemis sat next to her and Barbara took the far right side. Raquel curled up in her chair and M'gann sat on the floor after passing Artemis a glass of wine.

"Now," Artemis said, "tell us what happened."

Zatanna took another drink instead, ignoring their expectant eyes. She didn't owe them this. She was allowed to keep some things, some feelings for herself, after all, if she wanted to. That really only left the question of whether or not she wanted to. She drank more.

"They read the will," she said finally, because she couldn't stand the staring any longer. She shrugged "I get access to my full trust at 25 and I get the house now. That's it. It was pretty uneventful, really."

Artemis touched her leg and then withdrew her hand. Zatanna appreciated the brevity of the gesture. It was all she could stand right now.

"Wait, you own a house?" Raquel asked. "What are you doing living in a dump like this?"

"Not house," M'gann corrected. "It's more of an estate." 

Zatanna frowned at her, wondering how M'gann knew, but then remembered M'gann helping her pack up her bedroom, sorting her clothes into piles to keep or to give away. 

"Interesting," Barbara said.

Zatanna turned her frown on Barbara. She liked Barbara more than she'd ever expected to and they'd long since agreed that not to let their respective relationships with Dick Grayson get in the way of their friendship, but Zatanna very much didn't like her tone. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Barbara said, holding her hands up to show she came in peace. "Just that you always seemed so at home at Wayne Manor. If you grew up somewhere like it, that makes sense. That's all I meant."

Zatanna kept frowning. She was sure there was something wrong with Barbara's answer, but she couldn't find it. "It wasn't like Wayne Manor, not really. We didn't have _staff_. We did have a housekeeper, Mrs. Fraser, after my mom died, but that was it. Otherwise, it was just me and my dad."

She forced herself to smile. "Really, you all wasted a trip. I'm fine, I promise."

Artemis and M'gann traded looks that clearly said they didn't believe her. 

"Even if you're fine," M'gann said, "it's still your birthday. Did you think we were going to let you spend it alone?"

"Oh." Zatanna's face fell back into a frown. Truthfully, she'd sort of forgotten that part. "Yes?"

"No," Artemis said. She took the glass from Zatanna's hand and set it on the coffee table. She stood and pulled Zatanna up with her. "Now go put on a pretty dress. We're going out. The boys are meeting us."

"Do I have to?" Zatanna asked, as she was pushed to her bedroom.

A chorus of yesses was her only answer as the door slammed shut in her face.

*

They took her to a club where the music was so loud that Zatanna couldn't hear herself think. Since it meant that she couldn't hear anyone-- _Dick_ \--try to talk to her either, she didn't mind the headache that she knew that she'd have tomorrow. Besides, the headache wouldn't just be because of the volume of the music; the wine was certainly doing its part.

Zatanna danced with Dick, and with Wally and Conner, too, despite how much he tried to protest. She danced with the girls and with strangers, enjoying and ignoring the menacing looks that Dick sent the way of anyone who lingered too long. She danced by herself. She danced and she drank and she forgot about houses and wills and anything that wasn't the music.

Just because she forgot, didn't mean she was blind. She saw the worried looks that Dick and Artemis were trading over her head when they thought she wasn't looking. She saw Wally take drinks from her hand and drink them himself, his metabolism burning off the alcohol before he even finished swallowing. M'gann made sure she was drinking water, too, and _Conner danced with her_. There wasn't any way to dress that up as something that wasn't badly concealed concern.

When they finally all piled out of the club, Dick was the one to take her elbow and steer her to a cab. She didn't fight with him. She didn't see the point. He was going to do what he wanted and if that meant that she could use him for sex at the same time, well then so be it.

"You had fun tonight," he said neutrally, as the cab pulled away from the curb.

She lifted a shoulder in a shrug and slid closer to him on the bench seat. "Maybe."

Dick looked up at the driver and then down at her. "How mad are you at me?"

She shook her head and closed the rest of the space between them. "I don't want to talk about that now."

Dick's arm went around her shoulders and she let her head rest against his chest. He smelled like sweat and scotch and himself, and she wanted to bury herself in it until that's all she knew. She kissed the side of his throat, lapping at his skin. She loved the way he tasted, she always had. Even when she didn't want to.

"Zee," he said. His fingers played with the ends of her hair. "Not here."

"Yes, here," she said and she raised herself up so that she could brush her mouth teasingly against his. "You know you want to."

He caught her mouth, held it for a long, languid kiss. When he pulled away, they were both gasping for breath and Zatanna's head was spinning. She never should have taught him how to kiss like that.

"Was that supposed to convince me that you didn't want to?" she managed to ask.

Dick grinned and kissed her again, faster than she could blink. "That was to distract you long enough for us to get to your apartment," he corrected. He reached into his jacket and pulled out some money, passing it through to the cabbie. "Keep the change."

He leaned across her to open her door and waited for her to slide out of the cab. She pouted a little, but since she had no real desire to spend the rest of the night in the back of the cab, she got out, making sure to flash plenty of thigh as she did. 

He was out of the cab and behind her so quickly that it felt like he was Wally, and he leaned down to whisper in her ear, "Naughty."

She shrugged and turned around to face him. "You like me that way."

"I do," he said with a nod. He took her hands in his and bent low so that he was almost kissing her. "Ask me in."

She craned her neck back, amused. "What, are you a vampire now?"

"Zatanna," he said. He nipped at her lower lip. "Ask me in."

"You make it so hard to be mad at you," she said instead. 

He kissed her again, gently this time. "I know."

"I didn't say it was a good thing," she said, frowning at him. Then she leaned up to kiss him, taking control back into her hands. When she was done, she tugged on their still linked hands. "Come in."

Dick's mouth curved up into a smug smirk, that should have made her want to hit him, but was really a turn on instead. "Anything for the birthday girl."

She looked back over her shoulder as they went up the steps. "I hope you mean that," she said. "I have demands. Lots of them."

Dick's hands closed around her waist and tugged her back against his chest. "Like I said." He closed his teeth around her ear. "Anything for the birthday girl."

She shivered and he laughed. Oh, yes. She was going to enjoy making him eat those words. 

Double entendre fully intended.

**New York City  
May 21, 2017**

Her mouth tasted like something had died in it and her head felt like it was going to explode. She cracked an eye open, wincing at the bright light that was filtering through the blinds. Even that was too much.

"Feeling okay?" Dick asked. He was curled around behind her, his arm draped over her waist. 

It never failed to amuse her that Dick Grayson was a cuddler, but even thinking about laughing was painful. She tried to shake her head instead and moaned.

Dick chuckled softly in her ear. "Poor baby." He kissed her cheek and rolled away from her. "I'll get you some water."

He strode out of the bedroom, still naked, and Zatanna let herself admire the view. If she couldn't do that, after all, she might as well be dead. Even dead, she would still want to be able to appreciate Dick's ass. It was a work of art.

He came back into the bedroom in the same unselfconscious way that he'd left, only this time he was carrying a bottle of water and a bottle of pills.

She risked the pain that was sure to come from moving and sat up, holding her hands out with undisguised eagerness. "Gimme."

"Greedy," he said, but he passed them to her, watching with amusement as she shook out four pills and swallowed them without even cracking the seal on the water. He bent down to pick up his boxers and tugged them on.

"Don't feel you have to get dressed on my account," she said.

"Like the view?" he said, and made no further moves to put his clothes on but sat down on the edge of the bed instead. 

She gave him her best _you're an idiot_ look, and said, "I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

Dick laughed and patted her on the knee. "I like looking at you naked, too."

"I would certainly hope so," she said. "Otherwise, we've had a lot of sex that you probably regret."

"Never," he replied, his eyes far more serious than they had any right to be.

And that was entirely too close to emotional territory that she was not up to discussing this morning. She drank her water and looked anywhere by at him.

Dick sighed, telling her that he knew what she was doing. "I should go," he said, but made no effort to get off the bed.

"If you have to," she said.

"I don't have to," he said, frustration seeping out past his Batman-taught self-control. "I don't _want_ to. But you don't seem to want me here, which means I should go."

He stood and started pulling on pants and it was her turn to sigh.

"It's not that I don't want you here," she said. "I just--I don't want it to be _hard_ , okay? I can't deal with that now."

Dick nodded and folded his arms over his chest, leaving his jeans unbuttoned at his hips. "Is this because of the hangover or because of the will?"

She frowned at him, because clearly he didn't get it. "What part of _not hard_ did you not grasp?"

"Zatanna," he said, her name coming out as some mangled version of a laugh and an admonishment. He climbed back onto the bed and sat next to her, his arm going around her shoulders. "Since when am I not allowed to worry about you?"

It was a fair point, but that didn't mean he had to know that. Whatever the nature of their other relationship, they'd always been friends first and friends worried. Hell, he wasn't the only one worried about her if last night was any indication. 

She sighed, heavily, and she didn't need to look sideways to know that Dick was grinning. He'd always liked winning just a little too much.

"I didn't think it would bother me as much as it did," she said. "He's been gone for almost seven years. I thought I was prepared."

"Hey," Dick said. He brought his hand up to her cheek and turned her face so that she was looking at him. His thumb rubbed gently against her cheekbone, and she let herself lean into the touch. "You're allowed to grieve."

"Seven years, Dick." She shook her head in disgust. "I'm pretty sure there's a statute of limitations."

"And a father that's not really dead," he countered impatiently. "Even if he were, of course there's not a statute of limitations. I still miss my parents. Do you think less of me for it?"

She shook her head and touched his leg. "Never."

"Well then," he said, like that solved everything.

"It's like losing him all over again," she said. "Like it's final."

Dick didn't answer, but gathered her closer in his arms and she let herself rest her head against his chest. They didn't offer each other comfort often, it got lost in the heat. But when she let herself admit it, there were few places on earth that she felt safer than in Dick Grayson's arms.

They sat there like that she didn't know how long. It helped, which was all he'd been trying to do for the last two days anyway. Which maybe meant that she should ask him for help with one thing more.

"Hey," she said, lifting her head so that she could look at him, "do you think that you could go to the house with me?"

"Yes," he said. He squeezed her shoulders. "It took you long enough to ask." 

"Shut up," she said, shoving him to the side.

He shoved back and bracketed her wrists with one hand, pinning her to the bed. "You were saying?"

Zatanna laughed, and for what felt like the first time in weeks, actually meant it. "Not a damn thing."

**Shadowcrest  
May 21, 2017**

"Let me get this straight," Wally said, wide-eyed. "Your house moves."

Zatanna nodded, amused. "Yep."

"It's invisible to non-magicians except when you want it to be seen."

She nodded again. "Yes."

"We need a password to get past the front foyer."

She nodded for a third time. "That about sums it up. Any other questions?"

"You live in a Harry Potter house!" Wally said with glee. He hugged her, hard. "Thank you for letting us come with."

"I wasn't aware I'd had a choice in the matter," she said with a sideways look at Dick who had the temerity to not look the slightest bit guilty. "But I'm glad you're here, too. Both of you."

Dick wrapped his arm around her waist. "Not me?"

"I've reconsidered your invitation," she said.

Dick laughed and kissed the side of her head. "You don't mean that."

"Well, no," she admitted. She looked up at him. "But consider yourself on notice."

"You two are adorable," Artemis said, looking back and forth between them. "You'll be getting back together when, exactly?"

Dick looked away, but didn't drop his arm from around her waist. Zatanna got very interested in the state of her fingernails in a hurry. She needed a manicure.

"I thought so," Artemis said smugly. "Now, can we get this show on the road? I'm concerned that Wally is going to forget that Harry Potter isn't real the longer we wait."

"She lives in an unplottable house, Artemis," Wally argued, frowning at his fiancé. "Don't tell me what is and isn't real."

Artemis looked at Zatanna with pleading eyes. "Help."

Zatanna laughed. "Fine. Though this probably won't do anything to help with Wally's delusions."

" _Hey_ ," Wally said, offended.

Zatanna ignored him and raised her arms. " _I ma annataz arataz, rethguad fo innavoig arataz. Yb thgir fo doolb, I mialc tserswodahs sa enim. Raeppa dna eb nees!_ "

The ground shook beneath their feet and the wind whipped around them. It lasted for just seconds, but when it stopped, Shadowcrest was there in front of them.

Zatanna let her arms fall, her breath coming heavier than normal. She hadn't been expecting the effort to be so much. It had almost been like the house was _fighting_ her, which was ridiculous because she _was_ the rightful owner. She had the blood ties and the will to prove it.

"Pretty cool, huh?" she said.

None of the rest of them spoke. Zatanna finally looked at them and they were all still agog. 

"You summoned the house," Wally said finally, reverently. He turned to her with a face-splitting grin. "That is the coolest thing _ever_. What happens when we go inside?"

Zatanna grinned right back. "Let's find out, shall we?"

*

The foyer wasn't like Zatanna remembered. Sure, there were the same marble floors she remembered skidding across in her socks, but the staircase with the long banister that she'd slid down whenever her father wasn't around to stop her was gone. And there hadn't been another set of doors. She frowned. Was it possible the house had remodeled itself in the absence of a Zatara? It _was_ a Harry Potter house. It wouldn't have been the strangest thing in the world.

Someone touched her arm. "Zee?"

She shook her head and looked sideways. Artemis. She made herself smile as if nothing was wrong and said, "It's different."

"How?" Dick asked.

Zatanna shrugged and pointed to where the stairs had been. "There should be stairs there. And there shouldn't be doors there."

"Maybe it's the spell," Wally said.

Three heads swiveled in unison to look at him.

Wally rolled his eyes. "C'mon guys, Zatanna said there was a spell to repel invaders. So maybe it looks different if you haven't been invited in."

Zatanna looked at Artemis. "I'm going to kiss your fiancé on the mouth, I hope you don't mind." She didn't wait for Artemis to answer, but took Wally's face between her hands and planted a smacking kiss on his lips. "Wally, you're a genius."

He tried to look modest. "Well."

"Don't give him any ideas," Dick said.

From the corner of her eye, Zatanna saw him step up behind Wally and cuff him in the head. She wanted to laugh, but didn't. After all, it was a sort of sweetly misguided act of jealousy, and she couldn't hate that.

"You're just jealous that you didn't think of it," Wally said smugly.

"Boys," Artemis said, rolling her eyes at them. She turned to Zatanna. "Do you know the spell?"

Zatanna closed her eyes and tried to remember. Memories of bringing friends home after school flitted through her mind, her father standing in this room introducing them all to Mrs. Fraser very formally. But maybe they hadn't been introductions to Mrs. Fraser at all. Maybe they'd been introductions to the _house_.

"I might," she said, opening her eyes. She raised her arms. "And if I don't, at least it's worth a try, right?"

She didn't wait for them to answer, but began to chant. " _Ezingocer em, I ma annataz arataz. Eseht era ym stseug, kcid nosyarg, simetra kcorc, dna yllaw tsew. Od meht on mrah._ "

The wall in front of them shimmered and then dissolved, leaving behind the space that she remembered. She reached out to touch the curved edge of the banister, the wood smooth against her fingertips. "It worked."

"I'll say," Wally said. He zoomed up the stairs, skidding to a stop on the first landing. "Who's coming exploring with me?"

"Is that really the best idea?" Artemis asked. "We don't know what will happen if we go off by ourselves."

Wally frowned at her. "Buzzkill."

"Hey, if you want to end up a toad, it's not my problem."

"The ring on your finger says different, babe."

"I wouldn't mind seeing Wally turned into a toad," Dick interjected smoothly. "But how likely is that to happen, Zee?"

Three sets of eyes turned on her and she shrugged. "I don't know? I don't think it will. I don't remember any of my friends getting turned into toads as a kid."

Artemis and Dick traded looks, and Artemis said, "Still, maybe we should all stick together. Safety in numbers and all that."

Zatanna glared at them both. Who were they kidding, this wasn't about Wally turning into any kind of small reptile. "I don't need a babysitter."

"Please, it's for him," Artemis said, hooking her thumb up at Wally who was still waiting impatiently for the rest of them on the landing. "Contrary to what I said before, I don't actually want to marry a toad."

"Thanks, babe," Wally said. "That's sweet. I love you, too. Now can we please get this show on the road?"

"Fine," Zatanna said, releasing the word on a long, drawn out sigh. "But stay out of my bedroom."

"That is an _excellent_ idea," Dick said, slipping his arm around her waist and walking her to the stairs. "Let's go there first."

Zatanna shook her head at him and started to climb the stairs. "You're going to regret this."

*

"Stop laughing," Dick ordered. He was using his best _I am the boss of you_ voice and it was only made Wally and Artemis laugh harder. He turned his glare at Zatanna and it wasn't any more effective on her. "This is your fault."

Zatanna shrugged and tried not to laugh herself. "I did warn you."

She didn't know how Artemis had known about the Batman poster inside her closet, though she suspected M'gann's involvement. She thought she remembered M'gann taking point on packing up her clothes. She didn't remember any of the days after clearly. She was happy not to.

"Batman," Wally wheezed from the bed. He pointed at Zatanna, his hand shaking from the laughter. "You had a crush on _Batman_."

Artemis took long, shuddering breaths, clearly trying to calm herself down enough so that she could speak. When it finally worked, or was as closed to working as it was going to be, she said, "Really, I don't know why this is such a surprise, Dick. It's not like we didn't know that Zatanna's type is rich, older men."

Zatanna wanted to be offended by that, but the fact that it was more or less true made it impossible. She shrugged again. "Your point being?"

"Batman," Wally laughed. He reached over and punched Dick in the arm. "Did she ever make you dress up like him? I know you two are into kinky shit like that, the walls in the cave aren't _that_ thick."

Dick's face was so red that Zatanna was concerned he might stroke out right there. She touched his hand and turned to face Wally. "Did you want to see the rest of the house?"

Wally nodded, still laughing.

"Then shut up." She said it pleasantly, but the threat was clear. Wally immediately sobered up.

"You're going to be the world's scariest mom some day," Wally said, grumbling. "You have got the voice _down_."

Zatanna didn't need to look at Dick to know that his face had gone from red to white. She was pretty certain there was a matching look of horror on her own face. At least they were in agreement on that.

"Artemis," she said, her voice strangled. "Do you have a preference for the kind of animal that I turn Wally into? Maybe Nelson would like a friend."

Artemis shook her head. "Nah, I'm good with toad. Much less upkeep."

"You wouldn't," Wally said, his eyes darting back and forth between them. He looked at Dick, pleadingly. "Would she?"

Dick folded his arms across his chest. "Do it, Zee."

Zatanna raised her arms and Wally blanched. He was out the door in a blink of an eye.

"You can run but you can't hide!" Zatanna called after him.

There was a loud thunk from somewhere else in the house, followed by a pretty impressive string of cursing considering it was Wally and he'd actually had the kind of parents that followed through on threats to wash mouths out with soap.

The rest of them looked at each other and laughed.

*

The library was the last room they went through. It was the room she most clearly identified with her father, but more than that, it's where her clearest memories of her parents together were centered. She remembered nights spent before the fire playing with her dolls, as her parents sat and watched. She remembered wrestling with her father, and her mother reminding him to be careful, even though she was laughing as she said it. Her mother used to sit the blue chair and brush Zatanna's hair before bed every night, telling her that she was loved and that she was beautiful and that someday, Zatanna would understand.

"Someday, I would understand," she whispered.

"Zee?"

Dick touched her shoulder and Zatanna blinked the room back into focus. She didn't know how she'd ended up crouched in front of the fireplace. She stood, brushing her hand over the mantel. She forced herself to smile and said, "Sorry. I was just... remembering."

"Was this your dad's room?" Artemis asked gently.

Zatanna nodded. "And my mom's, too, when she was still alive." She spun, looking around at the book-lined walls. She didn't look at her father's desk in the corner. "There are memories."

"We can go," Wally said. "I mean, we can leave you alone if you want, or we can all go if it's too much. Whatever you want, Zat."

She shook her head. "No. If I'm ever going to live here, I have to face it, don't I?" She turned back to the fireplace, not sure why she felt as if it were tugging at her. "I just--"

"What?" Dick asked. He touched her arm again, sliding his palm down her forearm until he could wrap her smaller hand in his bigger one. She let him.

"There's something I'm not remembering," she said. With her free hand, she rubbed at her temple. "I feel like there's something my mother told me that I can't remember. Something that's just out of reach. Something important."

"You were little when she died," Artemis said. "It might not be anything."

"No," Zatanna said, shaking her head. "I'm pretty sure it's everything."

She reached out to touch the mantel again. It was here. She was sure of it. "Pleh em dnatsrednu," she said, not sure who or what she was asking.

The wall opened in front of her.

Zatanna blinked. And she blinked again. "Guys," she said slowly, "are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"The fireplace?" Wally asked.

She looked sideways at Dick. "Is that what you're seeing, too?"

He nodded.

She turned the other way to look at Artemis. "And you?"

"Yes," Artemis said. She touched Zatanna's shoulder. "What are you seeing?"

"Another room," she said. She let go of Dick's hand and stepped forward. "I'm going to go check it out."

She stepped into the secret room and the last thing she heard was Dick's frantic, "Zatanna, _wait_ ," before the door slid closed behind her.

*

Zatanna knew that she should probably be scared. Too many years with the team and the League, and her father before them, had taught her to be wary of just this kind of thing. But this was her _home_ , and it was bound to her through blood. Surely, her home couldn't bring her to any kind of harm.

And besides, even if that weren't true, this was just really fucking _cool_.

She looked around the room. Much like the library, the walls were lined with books. There was a desk in the corner, and a book still sitting upon on it. She didn't look at the desk.

She moved closer to the bookshelves, reaching her hand out to trace her fingertips along the dusty spines. These weren't like the books in the library at all. Sure, the library had some magic texts in it, mostly boring histories that her father had quizzed her on relentlessly before letting her try even the simplest of spells. But it was mostly normal books that might have been in any library.

These books, though, these books were obviously about magic. Her fingers itched with the need to pull one out and start reading, but she knew if she did that, it would be a long time before she stopped and she did have friends on the other side of the wall who were probably worried about the fact that she'd just walked into a wall. Or at least she hoped they were worried about that. It wouldn't say anything good about their relationships if they weren't.

With great reluctance, she turned back to the spot where she'd come through. There was an unlit fireplace on this side of the wall, too, and she looked at it, trying to think of the words that would take her back.

Her mouth curved up, as the most obvious solution occurred to her. Could it be that simple?

" _M'i dehsinif_ ," she said.

The wall opened in front of her once more and Zatanna crossed back over to the other side and directly into Dick's waiting arms.

"Are you alright?" he asked or maybe it was demanded, it was one of those times when the line between the two was so thin as to be nonexistent. His hands went up and down her arms, over her back, as if checking for physical injuries. Apparently satisfied with whatever he didn't find, he crushed his mouth to hers, and Zatanna didn't stop him. She was too confused by his overreaction and well, she liked it when Dick's inner caveman came out. She was secure enough in her ability to bring him to his knees to admit that, even if was only to herself.

When he broke away, she was panting. "What was that?" she managed to ask.

Dick shook her, still holding onto her arms. "You were gone for an _hour_. Where the hell were you?"

She stepped back, still within the confines of his arms. "An hour? No. Five minutes, _max_."

"No," Dick said, his voice tight. "It was an hour."

Zatanna turned her head to look at Wally and Artemis and they both nodded, worry still written on their faces.

"An _hour_?" she repeated. She shook her head and brought a hand up to touch Dick's cheek. "I swear, I didn't mean to be gone that long. I didn't mean to worry you. Any of you."

Dick kissed her again, more gently this time. She tried to take the worry from him, reassure him that everything was fine. His arms around her loosened, holding her instead of banding her tightly against his chest. This time when they broke apart, he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Don't do that again," he said, his voice low enough for just her to hear. "Please, Zee."

Zatanna looked behind him to the fireplace. "I won't," she lied.

**New York City  
May 28, 2017**

Even though she knew she wouldn't keep the promise she'd made to Dick, that didn't mean she didn't _try_. She managed to stay away for an entire week, offering herself up for whatever League assignments Dinah had for her and helping Artemis run interference with M'gann and Mrs. West on wedding plans and having a lot of really great sex with Dick as a means of distraction. If it had been anyone else she was using for their body, she might have gotten away with it. But that was the problem with Dick. He knew her entirely too well.

"Are we going to talk about it?" he asked her a week later, after he climbed back into her bed.

She didn't pretend to not understand what he meant. "Do you want to?"

"I think we should," he said, stroking his fingers down her bare arm. "But I don't want you to think that I'm complaining about the sex."

"No," she said solemnly, shaking her head. "I would never think that."

He narrowed his eyes at her and lifted his hand to tweak her nose. "You want to go back."

She sighed and sat up, tugging the sheet up with her. This didn't feel like a conversation for bare breasts. "I _have_ to go back," she corrected. "But yes, I want to. It's my home, Dick."

"I get that part," he said, sitting up and turning so that he was facing her head on. "I even get wanting to explore the parts of the house that you didn't know were there. But Zee, if you do this, we can't help you. None of us can back you up. You could end up trapped, forever, and there wouldn't be a damned thing any of us could do about it."

She stared at him, shocked. He wasn't saying anything she hadn't thought, or even anything that she hadn't expected him to say. But the urgency, the _fear_ with which he said it...that she hadn't planned on. She tried to think of something, anything to say.

"You don't think Dr. Fate would help?" she tried weakly, wishing the words back the moment they left her mouth. They weren't fair. They weren't what she wanted.

Dick's eyes went soft. "Zee."

She held up a hand, warding off whatever else he was going to say. Whatever sympathy he was going to offer. "Don't."

From his facial contortions, it was clear that he wanted to speak very badly. But he didn't, and for that she was grateful. Grateful enough to offer him a bone.

"Do you want to come with me when I go? I know that you can't go in with me and I know that you hate to wait but--"

Dick's hand covered her mouth, cutting her off mid-sentence. "Yes," he said.

She blinked. Somehow she hadn't expected him to agree so quickly, even though there was never any chance that he wouldn't agree at all. "Okay," she said. "When?"

"Next weekend?" he asked, though it wasn't actually a question. "I know you and I know that you want to go back as soon as possible. But Zee, you have to give me some time to see if there's anything that I can do to help." He took her hand in his and squeezed. " _Please_."

Everything in her went gooey. "That's not fair," she said.

Dick grinned, the dangerous one that never failed to bring her to her knees. "I know."

They were both laughing when he pushed her back into the sheets.

**Shadowcrest  
June 3, 2017**

"You don't have to do this," Dick said.

Zatanna slid her eyes sideways at him, but didn't say anything. They stood, side-by-side, at the library's fireplace, the backs of their hands just brushing against each other.

Dick sighed, frustration coming off him in waves that she could actually _feel_. She knew how much it had to be killing him that there was nothing he could do to help. That he was standing there anyway meant more than she knew how to tell him. 

"I know," he said. "Just--" he turned to her then and lifted his hand to her cheek "--be careful."

She brought her hand up to cover his. "It's going to be fine," she said, with a bravado that she didn't really feel. "I'll go in, take a look around, and come right back out. I _promise_."

"You promise, huh?" Dick said. He slipped an arm around her waist and tugged her against him. 

Zatanna nodded, linking her arms around his neck. "Yes, that means we can have a ritual burning of the Batman poster when I'm done."

"After sex," Dick clarified. "I was promised sex, too."

"You were," she agreed. She leaned up to kiss him, nipping at his lower lip. "And I always keep my promises."

Dick groaned and untangled her hands from his neck, pushing her back. "Go now before I decide to stop you."

She kissed him again, quick. "For luck," she said, and winked at him. She turned back to the fireplace and repeated the words that she'd spoken before. 

" _Pleh em dnatsrednu_."

The wall opened in front of her and Zatanna stepped through to the other side.

*

The room wasn't the same. It shouldn't have surprised her--after all, Shadowcrest _was_ a Harry Potter house to use Wally's surprisingly apt description, one that moved whenever it felt like and had magical defenses that Zatanna wasn't sure it was even possible to fully understand--but somehow, it still did. She went to the bookshelves first, drawn there by an unnamed instinct that told her that what she needed to know was hidden in their depths. Zatanna was enough her father's daughter to know the value of trusting her instincts even when reason screamed against them. 

The dust that had coated the shelves on her last visit was gone, as if the house had known she'd be back and had cleaned itself accordingly. She traced her fingers across the symbols on the leather bound spines, the magic contained within their pages a dull vibration against her senses. She wanted badly to pull one down off the shelf and see what the grimoire could teach her, to see which of her ancestors it had belonged to, but somehow she knew that they weren't what Shadowcrest was trying to help her find and Dick was waiting for her on the other side of the wall. 

Zatanna went to the next bookcase. 

Faced with another wall of grimoires, she almost missed the small, red leather bound volumes tucked into the middle of the bottom shelf. But then out of nowhere there was a footstool in front of her and she tripped, falling to her knees. 

She rubbed against the scraped skin, glaring futilely at the ceiling. "You couldn't come up with something more subtle?"

She looked sideways at the shelf that was now eye level. She had the first volume in her hands before she even realized she'd reached for it, the book open before she was aware of turning the pages. 

The flyleaf bore the owner's name. _Sindella Zatara_.

Zatanna's fingers traced over the well-loved and unfamiliar letters. She'd long ago resigned herself to what she didn't know about her mother. She'd been able to see the pain in her father's eyes every time she asked for even the smallest piece of her, and so she'd stopped asking, learned to tuck away the questions away to a place where they wouldn't hurt the only parent she had left. But just because she wasn't asking them any longer, didn't mean that the questions didn't still exist, didn't come to her at the moments she least expected them. And here, in this book, she might find all be the answers to all the questions that she'd never let herself ask. 

She had to tell Dick. 

Zatanna rose to her feet and crossed the room to the fireplace. " _M'i dehsinif_ ," she said, and waited for the door to open in front of her. 

It didn't.

" _M'i dehsinif_ ," she repeated.

The door remained stubbornly closed.

Zatanna frowned. If she ended up trapped in here, it was going to confirm all of Dick's worst fears and he would be _unbearable_ to live with. She did a mental inventory, tried to assess what was different about the spell this time. Her fingers tightened around the small, red book in her hand.

"No," she said aloud, to herself or the house, she wasn't sure which. "You have to let me take it with me."

Shadowcrest didn't have the courtesy to answer. 

"This is horribly mean of you," Zatanna said, just barely resisting the urge to stamp her foot. "But fine. I want you to know that I'm only giving up because there's someone waiting for me on the other side of this wall that's probably apoplectic with worry by now. This isn't over."

Zatanna set the book on the closest shelf and turned back to the fireplace. " _M'i dehsinif_ ," she said for the third time.

The door in front of her opened and just like before, Zatanna tumbled straight into Dick's arms.

*

"We have to stop meeting like--" was all she managed to say before Dick was kissing her, his mouth urgent against hers. She let him take what he needed, smoothing her hands over the breadth of his shoulders, trying to tell him that she was fine, that she was here. 

When he finally drew back, a minute or twenty later, they were both breathing heavy.

"Better?" she asked. She curved one hand around his nape, the other tangling in his hair to draw his forehead down to rest against hers. "I'm fine."

He nodded, but didn't draw away from the contact.

"How long?" she asked, because she needed to know. 

He tensed against her, his body almost vibrating with repressed worry. "Almost two hours," he said finally, the words clear despite his clenched jaw.

She lifted her hand to his face, fingers skimming along the sharp planes of it until she felt some of the tension fall away. "I'm sorry," she said, and she meant it, despite her joy at what she'd found within. "I wish--"

"What?" he asked. He drew back enough so that he could look her in the eye, his own hand going to her face, his thumb running over her cheek. 

"Oh, for all sorts of unattainable things," she said, as lightly as she could. "That you could come with me. That I could make it so you wouldn't worry. That I could show you what I found."

Dick zeroed in on the last part like the detective that he was always reminding them that he was. "What you found?"

Zatanna nodded, trying to keep her face from lighting up with excitement when he was still half-tense with worry against her. "My mother's journals," she said, and there was no hiding the joy in her voice. Not when she'd waited so long for this. "They were there waiting for me all this time."

Dick stared and then crushed her against his chest in a hug. "I'm so happy for you," he said, his lips brushing against her ear. 

She should have known that when it came to this, to getting something back of a parent that you lost, he couldn't help but be anything but happy for her.

"Wait," he said then, and drew back with a frown on his face. He started patting her down, searching for something. "Where are they? Didn't you bring them with?"

Zatanna bit her lip. He wasn't going to like this part, happiness for her or not. "I couldn't."

"What do you mean--" he broke off, and his face went dark with anger. "Magic?"

The disdain with which he sneered the word was a slap against her skin. "Yes."

Dick turned away from her, his fists clenched by his sides. Zatanna knew that he was trying to calm himself down, trying to draw on the preternatural control that he'd learned at Batman's knee. And when he looked back to her, calm was stretched over him like a badly fitting skin. 

"I don't understand," he said, and Zatanna knew just how much those words cost him. There were few things Dick hated more than admitting that he didn't understand something. "You own the house, don't you? How can it stop you from doing anything you want in it?"

Zatanna shrugged, helpless to explain what she herself didn't understand. "I don't know," she said. "Shadowcrest has its own sentience, its own layers of protections. I don't understand how it works, not yet." She reached out, touched his arm. "But I will."

"In order to understand it, though, you have to keep coming back and exposing yourself to magic that you don't understand and that no one can protect you from?"

She winced. She'd hoped he wouldn't put that part together quite so quickly. "Yes."

" _Zee_ ," he said, her name nothing but a helplessly strangled sound on his lips.

She closed the space between them, put her arms around him again. "It'll be fine," she said. "Shadowcrest won't hurt me. And I have to do this, Dick. _I have to_."

There was a long beat, but then his arms folded around her, drawing her tighter against his chest. "I know," he said. "I don't like it, but I know."

Zatanna knew that it was all she could ask of him.

She pressed a kiss to the side of his throat. "Want to go have sex now and burn my Batman poster after?"

A laugh startled out of him, and Zatanna smiled against his skin. They were going to be fine. It was going to be fine.

Zatanna took him by the hand and drew him from the library towards the stairs. It was good that she had plenty of experience exorcising demons with sex. She had a feeling that it was going to be a skill that she needed to draw on a lot in the coming months.

Because she was coming back. Dick would just have to get used to it.

**Shadowcrest  
June 9, 2017**

It was almost another full week before Zatanna found the time to go back to Shadowcrest. It was as if all of universe's villains knew that there was something Zatanna wanted to be doing more than fighting crime and had conspired to coordinate their attacks. She'd barely had a moment to herself and the moments she had were a blur of sex and Dick, who seemed to be operating under the impression that if he just ensured that she had enough orgasms, she'd forget about the secrets that Shadowcrest had yet to reveal. Eventually she'd tell him that he was fighting a losing battle, though she suspected he already knew. She just didn't want to give up the orgasms before she had to. And really, even Dick wouldn't blame her for that. He understood the importance of a good orgasm. 

And now, in lieu of those, he'd sent her a baby-sitter.

"You don't have to be here," Zatanna said to Artemis for what had to be the hundredth time since they left New York. They stood on a corner of the Wayne estate, their luggage and grocery bags piled at their feet. "Contrary to what Dick thinks, I am a big girl."

Artemis shot her an amused look. "I think Dick is intimately familiar with just how big of a girl you are."

"Excuse you, I am the one with the endlessly dirty mind in this friendship," Zatanna said, frowning at Artemis. "And don't change the subject. I don't need a baby-sitter."

Artemis held her hand up in an approximation of what Zatanna thought was the boy scout salute. She could only assume Artemis had learned that from Wally, because it wasn't like Lawrence Crock would have known it. Maybe if there was a villain salute. "I solemnly swear that Dick Grayson did not ask me to act as your baby-sitter for the weekend."

"I don't believe you," Zatanna said. "And I don't trust him."

"Have we discussed the many ways in which you two have an incredibly unhealthy relationship lately?"

"We don't have a relationship. We have sex."

"You have a relationship," Artemis said, looking exasperated. "People who are just having sex don't suggest that their sexual partners need baby-sitters."

"So he _did_ ask you to baby-sit."

Artemis shook her head. "The word baby-sit was never used."

"Just implied."

"There might have been the smallest implication," Artemis admitted.

"I'm going to kill him," Zatanna muttered. "We talked about this."

"He's worried, Zee," Artemis said, all kidding around gone from her voice and expression. "I'm worried. We're all worried."

Zatanna sighed, any indignation fading away. She knew that. And she understood it. But--"Shadowcrest won't hurt me, Artemis. I don't think it can."

"What you find could."

The words seemed to echo between them, until Zatanna couldn't stand it any longer and looked away. It wasn't as if she hadn't thought of that. Of course she had. Just knowing that those diaries had been there, waiting for her, for years hurt. Why hadn't her father ever told her? Was he ever going to? Or was it going to be one of the neverending list of things he'd promised to explain when she was older, like driving and how to perform complex spells. She'd never know. That hurt too.

"Zatanna," Artemis said.

She shook her head. She couldn't take the sympathy, not even from her best friend. "Don't."

Mercifully, Artemis let her be until she felt calm again. She took a deep breath and took a sidelong look at Artemis. "Thanks."

"No need," Artemis said. "Now. Are you going to summon this damn house or now?"

Zatanna smiled, just a little. "I can do that."

She lifted her arms and began the incantation.

*

Though Zatanna wanted to head straight for the library and the magic room, she let herself be convinced by Artemis's logic that since the passing of time in the magical room seemed inconsistent, it would be easier for Artemis to stay awake to monitor things on a good night's sleep. Instead, they put away the groceries and cooked dinner, spending the night going over the wedding magazines that M'gann and Mrs. West kept slipping into Artemis's bag whenever she turned her back.

Four hundred pages of tulle later and Zatanna didn't understand why everyone didn't elope. She said so.

Artemis gave her a look that managed to be both patient and pained. "You've met Mary West, haven't you? Can you imagine her letting her only son elope?"

It was an eminently fair point. "No."

"There you go," Artemis said. "And she's started emailing my mom. Plus, there's Wally, who is far more into this than I'd anticipated. I'm getting wedding fever from all sides."

Zatanna patted her on the knee. "I'll never leave you, little buddy."

"I'm pretty sure that your maid of honor contract prohibits that. But thanks, you're a pal."

"I try," Zatanna said. "But even if you can't elope, I don't see why you can't make Wally responsible for everything if he's the one who's so into it all."

Artemis just looked at her.

"You might have a point," Zatanna said.

With a laugh, Artemis stood and stretched. "I know I have a point. And we should go to bed if we're going to spend the day hanging out in a magic library." 

She held out her hands and Zatanna grabbed them, letting Artemis pull her to her feet. On a whim, she wrapped her arms around Artemis in a tight hug. "You're a good friend," Zatanna said into Artemis's neck.

Artemis returned the hug and patted her on the back. "Back at you."

"Now that we've got the mushy stuff out of the way," Zatanna said, as she drew back, "let's go to bed."

"You know that somewhere, Dick and Wally heard that and are crying, right?" Artemis asked, following Zatanna down the hall.

Zatanna looked back over her shoulder and grinned. "Why do you think I said it?"

**Shadowcrest  
June 10, 2017**

The library walls sealed behind her, but Zatanna was almost oblivious to it. The room had rearranged itself again, the diaries that had been almost hidden before, raised to a shelf at her eye level, their red leather spines a beacon that called to every fiber of her being. There was an overstuffed chair with footstool next to the built-in shelves, just waiting for her to curl up and spend hours reading about her mother's life.

"I see what you're doing," she said to Shadowcrest. "You're not fooling me."

A fire roared to life in the fireplace, and Zatanna laughed. Arguing with a sentient house wasn't going to get her anywhere, but it was hard to resist the impulse. 

She crossed the faded Oriental rug and reached for the volume farthest to the left. It wouldn't come. She tugged harder and one of the diaries from the middle slid out instead. "Just what are you trying to help me find?" she murmured, to herself or to the house, she wasn't sure, but she took the easy way out and pulled the book from the shelf. She curled up in the chair that Shadowcrest had so thoughtfully provided, tucking her feet up underneath her. Her hands shook as she lifted the cover and she thought, fleetingly, that she was glad Dick wasn't there to see it. 

She started to read.

_July 5, 1995_

_I met someone last night._

There were several lines crossed out and Zatanna squinted at them, trying to read through the heavy black ink, before giving it up as a lost cause. She read on.

_Nerida took me to a party celebrating the Fourth of July, which I am told is a holiday of some importance to Americans. Something to do with their independence. I don't remember or care. Nerida was very careful to keep me by her side, introducing me to her friends, since I am still new to America and she promised my father she would look after me. But somehow, we were separated and I met someone that she hadn't let me meet._

_His name is Giovanni Zatara. I'm certain I will see him again._

Zatanna rested the open book on her lap. She knew this part of the story. How her parents had met at a party and had a whirlwind romance while her mother was visiting relatives. But her mother's comment about the cousin, Nerida, not letting her mother meet her father… that struck Zatanna as strange. Was there some reason that Nerida had deliberately kept them apart? 

She looked back down at the diary and several pages blew past her, advancing further into the diary. 

"You're not remotely subtle, you know that? But fine."

_July 10, 1995_

_I saw him again tonight. There was another party and I found myself alone in the crowd very quickly. I think Nerida is already weary of playing chaperone. A hand closed around my wrist and I found myself being tugged into an almost entirely hidden alcove. I suppose I should have been frightened, but I was sure who it was._

_It seems strange to say this after only two meetings, but I feel certain that Giovanni isn't merely someone but_ the _one._

Zatanna shook her head. She couldn't imagine knowing that about someone--anyone--that quickly. Oh, she'd known immediately that Dick was someone she connected with. Like calls to like, after all. But seven years later, she still wasn't sure that she'd call him the one, even if there were times that she strongly suspected that he was the closest she'd ever come to finding it. 

The times when she suspected it almost always involved alcohol. She didn't think that was a coincidence. 

And now that she was thinking about wine, she wanted it very much and despite the fact that it felt like almost no time had passed, Artemis was probably approaching the point of worry. This was enough for one day. The diaries weren't going anywhere, after all. Not when Shadowcrest wouldn't let them.

She stood up and stretched, the diary still clutched in her hand. With great reluctance, she placed it back on the shelf, her fingers stroking down the spine once more. 

"I'll be back," she said, whether to reassure herself or the house, she wasn't sure which. "I promise."

"M'i dehsinif," she said and stepped back into the library.

**Shadowcrest  
June 15, 2017**

_This is Zatanna. Leave a message._

"You can't stay mad at me forever, you know," Dick said. "Call me when you're done pouting. Or you could keep pouting, we haven't done that in awhile. Just call."

**Shadowcrest  
June 23, 2017**

Wally West  
(816) 555-5559

_hey zat, artemis wants to know if you're coming over for movie night tonight_

_dick's coming_

_oops, she says i wasn't supposed to tell you that since you're mad at him and using him for sex_

_or something_

_but are you coming_

**Shadowcrest  
June 30, 2017**

From: Artemis Crock [artemis@justice-league.org]  
To: Zatanna Zatara [zatanna@mistressofmagic.com]  
Subject: The West's Barbeque

I don't know what weird headgames you and Dick are playing, but you are expected at the West's on the Fourth. If you're not, I'm siccing M'gann on you. We both know she won't be so understanding.

Call me, okay?

**Central City  
July 4, 2017**

"Zatanna!" Mrs. West said warmly, drawing her into a hug. "We're so glad you could join us today. Dick told us he wasn't sure if you'd be able to make it."

Zatanna made herself smile, though her first instinct was to find Dick in the crowd and shoot daggers at him with her eyes. "I wouldn't miss your Fourth of July barbeque, you know that. Mr. West's ribs have ruined me for all others."

"Rudy, dear," Mrs. West corrected. "And Mary. We've had this conversation before. You're not in high school anymore, it's more than alright for you to use our names."

"Sure thing…Mrs. West." Zatanna cringed. "Sorry. Some habits are hard to break."

Mrs. West laughed. "Too true. Go on, I can see that you're anxious to go join the others. Have fun!" 

Zatanna watched her move towards another new arrival and greet them with the same easy familiarity as she'd just been treated to. It was a gift, she thought. To be able to see the best in everyone and to want to. She wondered if it was a trait that you were born with or if it was the kind of thing that only happened to people who grew up safe and secure, in the arms of parents who loved you and weren't shy about saying it. Wally had that quality too. To say that none of the rest of them did was an understatement.

An arm slipped around her waist and a voice spoke low against her ear. "I didn't think you were coming." A kiss against her neck, a shiver down her spine that she couldn't entirely suppress. "I'm glad you're here."

"I told you that I'd try," she said, looking resolutely forward instead of twisting her neck so she could see Dick's face. "You shouldn't have told Mrs. West I wasn't coming."

" _Zee_ ," he said, her name an exasperated exhale. He took her shoulders in his hands and turned her so that she was facing him. "She asked why you weren't with me. What should I have told her instead?"

"That I was running late?" Zatanna countered, doing her best to hold onto her anger. "Or hell, that you're not my keeper."

"I don't swear in front of Mrs. West," Dick said primly.

Against her will, the corners of her mouth twitched up into a smile. "Not the point."

"I saw that," Dick said. He slid a hand down her back and pressed her closer against him. "Come on, don't be mad. It's the Fourth of July and there's a party and we're both in the same place for a change." He bent his head and brushed his lips against hers in a tease of a kiss. "Please?"

Zatanna sighed, knowing that this was a battle she'd already lost. She rose up on her toes and wrapped her arms around Dick's neck and this time she was the one to kiss him. 

Properly. With tongue.

Possibly too much tongue, as evidenced by the spray of icy cold water that doused them no more than thirty seconds later.

Dick broke away, cursing, but Zatanna just turned in the direction of the hose and said, "Pots retaw!" That done, she turned her glare on Wally, who was holding the hose and laughing hysterically. "I'm going to get you for that."

Wally raised an eyebrow, still laughing. "You have to catch me first. Kid Flash, remember?" He frowned. "I really need to work on a new name."

Zatanna echoed his raised eyebrow and wiggled her fingers at him. "Magician, remember?"

Wally's face lit with glee. "Are you proposing a contest to see who's faster? Is this a _dare_? I don't think you want to do this, Zat."

"Oh, I really think I do," Zatanna answered, stepping closer. "Bring it on, Wall-man."

"Ah," Dick tried to interject.

In unison, their heads turned towards him. "Shut up, Dick."

Dick held up his hands and backed away. "Shutting up."

"Last chance to back out," Wally said.

"You're awfully preoccupied with me backing down," Zatanna said. "Scared?"

Wally snorted. "Please."

Zatanna smiled, a little evilly. "You should be."

"Yes," Artemis said, appearing from nowhere at Wally's side. "He should be." She reached out and twisted Wally's ear. "What did your mother say about superpowers at the picnic, Wally?"

"But--" Wally said.

"No," Artemis said. She frowned at Zatanna. "Are you okay?"

Zatanna frowned back. "Of course. Why?"

"Well, you generally don't pull the magic card in public unless it's on League business for a start," Artemis said. "And you've been holed up in that damn house for almost a month. If you weren't having the boy wonder in for regular sex breaks, I'd have started to wonder if you were still alive."

" _Hey_ ," Dick said.

Artemis turned her glare in his direction. "Was there something inaccurate in my description?"

"No," Dick said. "But--"

Artemis looked back at Zatanna and sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get mad."

Zatanna crossed her arms over her chest. She said stiffly, "It's fine."

"It's not," Artemis corrected. "I know why you're there and I get it. I'm just worried about you, Zee."

"I'm fine," Zatanna said.

"Zee," Dick said. 

"I'm fine," she repeated stubbornly, shaking off the hand he tried to lay on her shoulder. "I don't know what you all want from me."

"To tell us what's going on?" Artemis said. "We get why you can't let us in, Shadowcrest won't let you. But you're not talking to me about it and you're so busy banging Dick's brains out that you're not telling him anything either."

Zatanna gave Dick a cold stare. "That can be stopped if the sex is inconvenient for you."

"Thanks a lot, Artemis," Dick said sharply. He looked down at Zatanna. "You mean more to me than sex. I won't apologize for that."

"I didn't ask you to."

"Care or apologize?" 

"Either. Both."

They stared daggers at each other and Wally came up between them, one hand on either of their shoulders, pushing them back. "Let's all take a deep breath, shall we? And maybe continue this somewhere that's not my parents' backyard? Somehow, I don't think my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Collins, needs to know about your sex life or why Zatanna has decided to inflict the silent treatment on her worried best friends. Because that's what we are, Zat. Your best friends, in case you didn't remember that."

There was a long, tense silence and Zatanna could feel their eyes on her for all of it. She was so angry with them, for springing this on her here, like this, but she couldn't be mad at them for caring. Or worrying. If any of them had been hibernating in a house for a month, she'd worry too. She knew that. And yet--

"You're right," she said finally. "This isn't the place. Will your mom miss us if we leave?"

Wally shook his head.

"Then let's hit the closest zeta tubes and go somewhere else and I'll tell you what I've found out."

**Wayne Manor, Gotham City  
July 4, 2017**

They'd all vetoed her offer to have this conversation at Shadowcrest, and really, she was grateful for that. It had obviously become a point of contention between them and neutral territory was probably for the best. Wayne Manor also had the benefit of coming with Alfred-baked cookies, which Zatanna was certain had been the deciding factor in Wally's vote. And really, she thought, taking a bite of one of the fresh baked chocolate chip cookies that Alfred had placed on the table in front of them, she couldn't blame Wally in the slightest.

"You're a god, Alfred," Wally said, through a mouthful of cookies. 

Alfred chuckled and headed for the door. "You're very kind, Master Wally."

The door to the parlor shut behind him and the room fell silent, except for the sound of Wally inhaling the cookies.

"You're a pig," Artemis said, looking at him with disgust.

Wally smiled winningly at her, brushing at the cookie crumbs on his chin. "But you love me anyway."

"I'm reconsidering," she said and slid what was left of the cookies away from him. "You're cut off."

Wally's smile slid down into a pout. "Artemis!"

"Share, Wally," she chided. "I'm reasonably certain that you learned how in kindergarten."

"But--"

Artemis ignored him and turned her attention to Zatanna. "Let's talk about something that's not Wally's bottomless stomach. I think you were going to tell us something?"

Zatanna fought the urge to squirm under Artemis's gaze. Really, if this was what Artemis was like in the classroom, her college freshman students must have been constantly terrified. "What exactly do you want to know?"

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" Dick said. His arm slid around the back of the sofa, resting just above her shoulders. She wanted to lean back into it. She wouldn't let herself. "We'll try not to interrupt."

Zatanna smiled, just a little. "Oh, really? You might want to give Wally the cookies back then."

" _Hey_ ," Wally said, offended. "Just because I like an appropriate amount of detail in my storytelling…"

"He'll be quiet," Artemis said. "That is if he wants to have sex again before our wedding night. Or even then."

It was interesting the different shades of pale Wally could turn, Zatanna noted. And as amusing as it might have been to let him keep going, she liked him too much to let him suffer needlessly. "It seems my parents had a bit of a star-crossed romance," she said. "Rival magical houses, mortal enemies, all of that. It's positively Shakespearean, really."

"Oh?" Dick said.

She shot him an amused look. "You're supposed to be being quiet, remember?" She shook her head. "But really, it started pretty simply. My mother came to the United States to visit a cousin, Nerida, and Nerida took her to a party where she met my father. And then they kept meeting, over and over again over the course of the summer and by the time it ended, they were in love and my mother was pregnant."

A low whistle from Wally. Artemis shot him a sidelong look. Wally opened his mouth, clearly intending to defend himself, then closed it again in frustration, realizing he couldn't without speaking and doing exactly what he'd said he wouldn't. Zatanna ducked her head and smiled, hiding it behind her hand.

"They didn't realize it right away, of course, and by the time they did, my mother's parents were insisting that she come home and marry the magician they'd picked out for her. So they ran away and got married and then went to the Hidden City together and presented my grandparents with a fait accompli."

She frowned, remembering the palpable desperation in her mother's words. "Something happened, but I don't know what. My mother's journals aren't clear about it. There's just a mention of hoping that her parents will change their minds with time, that she hopes actually seeing their grandchild will make them reconsider. I don't know what it means."

"And… that's it. I've read more than that, but it's mostly about me or my father or their life. It's important to me, but I don't think that any of it would be interesting to you."

She forced a smile, looked around at all of them. "There. Happy now?"

The three of them exchanged glances, and then Artemis was the one to speak. "You miss your dad."

Zatanna laughed, not caring that it sounded bitter even to her own ears. "Yes."

"Did you think we wouldn't understand?" Artemis asked. She gestured around the circle, omitting Wally. "With the exception of Mr. Well Adjusted over there, between us, we've got most forms of parental loss and/or abandonment covered."

Zatanna knew Artemis was right, she did, but--she shrugged. "I just needed to be alone with it. To understand it."

"And do you?" Dick asked, his voice gentle. 

She shook her head. "No."

"Will you let us help you?" he asked.

She laughed again, and if it wasn't a happy noise, it wasn't a bitter one either. "Do I have a choice?"

"No," Wally said promptly. "But if you're really good, we'll let you pick where we go for our group vacation this year."

Dick glared at him. "I didn't agree to that."

Zatanna looked at him. "Scared, Boy Wonder?"

"Of you?" he asked. "Of course. Do I look stupid?"

"I recognize foreplay when I hear it," Artemis said. She stood, pulling Wally to his feet too. "And we need to get back to help with clean up." She looked at Zatanna. "If you don't call me by Friday, I'm going to show up on your doorstep with a seating chart and you are going to have to help me figure out how to seat members of the Justice League alongside Wally's family."

Zatanna frowned up at her. "There's no need to get threatening."

"Are you going to call?" Artemis asked.

"Yes."

"Then there was every need. Say goodbye to the cookies, Wally."

"Goodbye, cookies," Wally intoned mournfully. He bent, wrapping his arms around Zatanna in a surprise hug. "Call me if you need anything," he whispered in her ear. "I mean it."

"Thank you," she whispered back.

Then, with a wave, Artemis and Wally were gone. 

Zatanna looked at Dick. "So," she said.

"So," he said. "Want a drink?"

She laughed and rested her head against his shoulder. "Yes, please."

His arm tightened around her shoulders. "Want to stay here tonight?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay, then." He kissed the top of her head. "I'll get you your drink in a minute."

One minute turned into five, which turned into ten, and when Dick looked down at her face again, Zatanna had fallen fast asleep.

**Shadowcrest  
July 24, 2017**

It was nearly noon when Zatanna stumbled out of bed, and she still didn't feel fully recovered. Throwing a last minute Justice League and Justice League adjacent members only wedding shower and bachelorette party for Artemis might have been a great idea in theory, and at least partial compensation for the slacking she'd been doing in her maid of honor duties, but that didn't mean she'd thought through the consequences of an entire weekend of Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl in the same place. That much concentrated Amazon goddess energy was _exhausting_. 

Zatanna looked in at the entertainment room where they'd spent most of their time and shuddered at the sight of the scattered debris. Artemis had offered to stay and help her repair the damage, but Zatanna had shooed her off, ready to have her house to herself again. Now she had to deal with the consequences.

"Or I could just close this room off and never open the doors again," Zatanna muttered to herself. She held up a hand and looked up at the ceiling. "That wasn't a suggestion, by the way."

The house didn't acknowledge her, but then, she was used to that.

"Coffee," she decided. "I need coffee before I can possibly be expected to deal with that."

She headed toward the kitchen and to her delight, found a still hot cup of Starbucks coffee on the counter and her favorite danish. The accompanying note made her smile.

> _Z,_
> 
> _I thought you might need this. Wally said Artemis looked like she got run over by a bus when she got home last night. I am assured that this is a good thing._
> 
> _Dinner tonight?_
> 
> _Dick_
> 
> _P.S. I might have missed you this weekend._

From anyone else, it wouldn't have been anything close to poetry. But from Dick Grayson? Well, the man had spent his formative years learning how to woo women from Batman. Allowances had to be made.

Coffee and danish in hand, Zatanna headed for the library. She'd been spending less time there for the past few weeks, but it was still her favorite room in the house. And just because she was going to spend time in there, didn't mean she had to go into the secret room. She had self-control. Well, some anyway. Sometimes. When the moon was in the proper alignment and Saturn was in the fifth house.

It was possible that self-control was not her best thing.

She sat on the couch and ate her danish, staring at the fireplace all the while. She'd been so good lately. She was only visiting the room twice a week and she always had a chaperone. She hadn't learned anything new about whatever the problem between her mother and father's families had been, but that was okay, because she'd learned so much about her childhood. Maybe it was silly to miss something you couldn't remember, but Zatanna had always thought there would be more time to ask her father questions about what those first four years had been like. Time to find out what songs her mother used to sing to her at night and whether she'd loved giving Zatanna her bath at night. 

She'd only been fourteen when she'd lost her father too. There should have been time.

She shook her head. Being maudlin wasn't going to get her anywhere. 

And that made her decision for her. Coffee in hand, Zatanna stood and stepped in front of the fireplace.

" _Pleh em dnatsrednu_ ," she said.

The wall before her opened and in Zatanna went.

*

There was already a diary pulled and waiting for her on the arm of her chair. Zatanna laughed. 

"Very subtle," she said, as she took her seat and picked the book up. "I assume that means I'm supposed to read this one today? Because I was thinking maybe I'd rather look up some new spells today instead. Don't we have quite the stash of grimoires in here?"

In an instant, all the other books disappeared from the shelves.

"I was _kidding_ ," Zatanna said, amused. "Geez, learn how to take a joke."

She waited until the books had returned to their rightful places on the shelves and then looked down at the diary she held on her lap. She opened it to the first page and frowned at the date. "2000?" she asked. "Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure I left off somewhere in 1998."

In answer, the pages blew forward to stop at an entry dated for September.

"Hint received," Zatanna said. She bent her head to read. 

_September 5, 2000_

_Time grows short._

_I have just returned from a trip to the Hidden City, where I hoped to convince my mother to lift the curse she worked five short years ago. I thought then that time would make her relent, that the sight of her granddaughter, alive and well and so full of both her parents magic, would make her understand how unreasonable her demands had been. My Zatanna is a gift, not the danger that my sister prophesied._

_Instead, my mother has never seen Zatanna and the doors to the Hidden City will remain forever closed to me unless I do as my mother demands._

_I do not want to leave, but neither can I stay._

_Giovanni says that there is still time and that she may still relent, but I fear the worst. Can an entire life be lived in just six weeks?_

Zatanna blinked. "What the hell?"

Her mother _died_ when she was four years old. It was one of the indisputable facts of her life. 

And yet, from reading this, it sounded an awful lot like she'd left instead. Left under duress, perhaps, but left all the same. That couldn't be.

The pages flipped forward again, to October.

October 20, 2000.

Otherwise known as the day before she'd lost her mother. "I don't want to read this," she said, and tried to close the book. She couldn't, no matter how hard she tried. "This isn't funny."

There was no answer, and she sighed. She looked down at the diary with the entry date that she didn't want to be there. It hadn't changed. "Fine," she said. "But then this is over. Do you understand me?"

She could have sworn she heard Shadowcrest laugh.

_October 20, 2000_

_Time has run out and I must leave Shadowcrest tonight. The journey to the Hidden City is long and I dare not risk not being there by the terrible deadline that my mother has set. The risks are too grave._

_It breaks my heart to leave Giovanni and our daughter, but I know that he will love her enough for the both of us. Zatanna could not ask for a better father and I hope that someday Zatanna will understand that leaving her was the only way I could protect her._

_I am leaving this diary and all the others in Shadowcrest's keeping, so that one day Zatanna may read my words and understand how much I loved her and how much I did not want to go._

_If the gods are merciful, I will see my husband and my child again. If this is the end, please remember always that I loved you both. I will love you both forever._

The entry was signed Sindella. The rest of the pages in the diary were blank.

"What the _fuck_?"

**The Watchtower  
July 24, 2017**

" _NEPO_!"

The doors to the Watchtower's meeting room blew open and the heads of her friends and colleagues turned toward her in surprise.

She'd been furious when she'd left Shadowcrest and when she broke into Wayne Manor to steal access to their zeta tube. But now, standing before the assembled members of the Justice League and the senior members of the team, that fury had become an icy calm and a grim sense of purpose. 

She had questions. Dr. Fate had the answers. One way or another, she was going to find out what she needed to know. She was absolutely certain of that.

At the head of the table, Black Canary rose to her feet. "Zatanna? What's-"

Zatanna ignored her and circled the table until she reached Dr. Fate, who was the only one in the room steadfastly ignoring her. "Did my mother die?" she demanded. "Or did she leave?"

Batman rose from his seat next. "Zatanna," he said. "Calm down."

She laughed at that. "I am calm," she said. "Should I assume from your response that you know the answers to my questions?" She looked around the table, at Green Arrow, Martian Manhunter, Hal Jordan, Aquaman, The Flash, and the rest. "You were all my father's friends. Does that mean you all knew?"

"Um, Zee?" Wally asked, from his spot next to Black Canary. She'd forgotten that he'd be there, but as den father at Batman's cave for parentless teenagers, of course he was there. "What are you talking about?"

She laughed again. 

"You're scaring me a little," Wally said. 

"I want to be scaring _him_ ," Zatanna said, pointing at Dr. Fate. "I'm sorry for any incidental damage."

"But why?" Wally said. "What did he do?"

She shook her head in frustration. "That's just it; _I don't know_. If he were my father, I'd know. My father wouldn't have kept the truth about my mother for 21 years. But he's not my father, is he? He hasn't been my father for seven years."

"No," Dr. Fate said. He pushed his chair back and stood, looking down at Zatanna. "I am not your father."

Zatanna blinked back the tears that wanted to come at the matter-of-fact way he said those heartbreaking words. "But you know, don't you?"

"Zatara's memories are not mine," Dr. Fate said.

"That's not an answer," Zatanna countered. "You know."

Dr. Fate turned to Black Canary. "It appears my presence at this meeting has become a distraction. I will leave." He walked toward the exit, his cape billowing behind him.

"Coward!"

Dr. Fate turned back, for just a moment. "I do not know if your mother is dead. All that matters is that she stays gone." That said, he disappeared through the broken doors and in the distance, the sounds of the zeta tube activating echoed.

Zatanna stared after him. She didn't know what the hell that meant. But she knew the one person--place--that hadn't lied to her yet. She bolted for the zeta, ignoring the sounds of her friends shouting her name after her.

Shadowcrest was waiting for her.

**Wayne Manor, Gotham City  
July 24, 2017**

Dick was waiting at the zeta tube when she got back. 

Zatanna wasn't surprised. She was certain that Wally and Batman had contacted him as soon as she burst into the meeting on the Watchtower. But that didn't mean that she had to talk to him.

"Zee," he said, stepping forward, one hand hand held out. "We need to--"

"No," she said simply, brushing past him as she stalked up the steps from the Batcave. 

"Yes," he said. He went up the steps after her, grabbing her elbow at the top and spinning her around to face him. "What the hell happened up there?"

She yanked herself free and glared. "Why are you bothering to ask me? I'm sure you've heard every detail by now."

"I want to hear them from you," he said. "I know you, Zee. You don't do that without a good reason. Tell me what it was."

She looked at him, really looked at him. He seemed earnest enough. And he wasn't wrong--however impulsive and reckless she might be with her personal life, she wasn't the type to go off half-cocked when it came to work. She'd learned what happened when she did that when she was fourteen.

"My mother," she said.

"What about her?"

"She might be alive. She might be alive and my father and the entire Justice League could have been lying to me my entire life."

Dick studied her face. "You're serious."

She shook her head in disgust. He didn't believe her. No matter what else was between them, the one thing they'd always had was trust. And he didn't believe her. "I knew I shouldn't have bothered explaining myself."

She turned away again from him again and stepped towards the elevator that led up to the Manor proper. She jabbed at the button to open the doors.

"Computer, disable elevator," Dick's voice said from behind her. "Authorization code, Nightwing, TFG3."

Zatanna's hands fisted at her sides. That _ass_. "We're done here."

"No," Dick said, turning her around again. "We aren't."

She laughed then, knowing it sounded angry. She was angry. She saw no reason to pretend otherwise. "What's left to say?"

"How about 'gee, Dick, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, _again_ '," Dick said, his voice growing louder and angrier with every word. His hands were tight around her arms, and it couldn't have said anything good about her that despite being furious with him, she was still utterly turned on by the casual display of strength. "Did I say that I didn't believe you, Zatanna?"

She tried to consider through the red haze of anger that was still clouding her brain. He hadn't. Not directly. But he hadn't given her the unquestioning support she wanted either. "No."

The strength of his grip on her arms didn't lessen, and he narrowed his eyes. "I didn't think you'd admit it."

She shrugged, as much as she could without the use of her shoulders. "You didn't say you did either."

He huffed a laugh, and let her go. "I didn't, did I."

"No," she said. She wanted badly to rub her arms, but resisted through sheer force of will. "You didn't."

He shook his head, clearly frustrated with them both. "Let's start over, shall we? I'll go first." He put his hands on her again, but this time the touch was gentle. "I hear you had a pretty shitty day. Want to tell me about it?"

Zatanna laughed and let her head tip forward to rest her head against his chest. "Hi," she said.

"Hey," he answered. One of his hands moved lower to stroke against her back, the other higher to cup the back of her head. It felt far too good. "I'm sorry."

"I wish you wouldn't say that," she said, raising her head to meet his eyes. "If you're going to be reasonable and apologize that means I have to too and I don't want to yet."

"Poor baby," he said. He kissed the top of her head. "Was it bad?"

"I may have set fire to half of my career," she said. "It wasn't good."

"We can fix it," he said. "You just have to tell me what's going on. Or if you can't tell me, tell Artemis. Or Wally. Or _someone_ , Zee. You have to let someone help you."

He was right. 

"I will," she said. "But not yet."

"Zee--"

She stopped his mouth with a kiss. Maybe it was the easier way out, but sometimes she and Dick communicated better without the words. When they finally broke apart, he looked resigned, if not accepting of what he knew she was about to do.

"Go," he said. "Just promise me you'll call if you need me."

Because she didn't want to lie to him, she kissed him again in lieu of an answer. 

Dick released the lock on the elevators and she went back to Shadowcrest in search of the answers she hadn't known she was seeking.

**London, England  
August 17, 2017**

Of course she didn't call.

Zatanna might have felt bad about that if Dick had actually expected her to call. But he'd known what she was doing when she didn't actually say she would call. And she knew that he was checking up on her through Artemis, who was careful to never talk about anything more in detail than the wedding, like she was afraid that if she asked the questions she wanted to, that Zatanna would hang up and give her the silent treatment too. Because Zatanna was ashamed to admit that Artemis was right, she was always accommodating on these calls, eager to help with whatever details that that Artemis needed handled. 

She was being a terrible friend. She'd make it up to them all. After.

The trouble was, she didn't know when after was going to be. Shadowcrest's library--both of them--had very helpfully provided her with all sorts of texts about magical families and the feuds between them. Her mother and father had been the magical equivalent of Romeo and Juliet, she understood that now. But what she didn't understand, what Shadowcrest seemingly couldn't tell her, was just what curse had driven her mother from her life seventeen years ago. 

And that's why she was waiting in a train station in Paddington, hoping that her contact would actually show for their meeting, and more, that he would be helpful. 

The nagging voice in the back of her head, the one that sounded like just like Dick, was scolding her for being here without backup, but everything she'd ever heard about Constantine had said that he didn't like to make a show of his magic unless forced into it. Since she had no intention of doing so, she should be safe enough. She thought. She hoped.

"I won't hurt you," said a voice from beside her. "That doesn't mean that there's no one else who wouldn't like the chance."

Zatanna turned sideways to find a disheveled looking blond man in a blue suit and a tan trench coat. He looked back at her with frank, assessing eyes. "You're Constantine," she said.

"So my mother told me," he said. "And you're Zatanna. I've caught your act. You're not bad."

Her jaw tightened. Maybe putting on shows for the unsuspecting public wasn't the most glamorous use of her talents, but she damn well made sure they got what they paid for. "You should have told me you were coming," she said. "I would have comped your tickets. Professional courtesy."

Constantine laughed softly to himself. "I just might like you," he said. "I wasn't expecting to."

She raised an eyebrow. "Then why meet me at all?"

He shrugged and stretched his legs out in front of him. "Curiosity."

"I've heard rumors that it killed the cat." But she liked that he was honest. It was more than she expected from most other magical practitioners. "Can you help me?"

He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, mumbling a spell as he brought it to his lips. He caught Zatanna's questioning look. "I get to smoke. They get to pretend I'm not. Everyone's happy."

"Ah," Zatanna said. "We could have done this somewhere else."

"Angling for an invitation to my flat, love?" Constantine shook his head before she could deny it. "This is better for both of us."

"Is it?" she asked. "I notice you didn't answer my question."

He blew out a stream of smoke. "That's because there is no good answer."

Zatanna narrowed her eyes. "What the hell does that mean?"

"I could help you," he said. "But because I like you, or could, I'm going to tell you that the best thing for all parties involved is for you to forget about this and go back to your act and the Justice League and that boy that you've been flirting with for years. He's not good enough for you, by the way."

"Why?"

Constantine shrugged. "He doesn't understand magic. No matter how much he tries, he never will. Better to cut your losses now, love."

"What, and take up with someone like you?"

The faintest hint of a grin flitted across his face. "Well, now, if that's an offer…"

"It wasn't," she said. "And you know damn well that wasn't the question I was asking."

He shrugged. "Can't blame me for trying. You are a very beautiful woman, after all."

She wouldn't blush. She'd outgrown that years ago. "Why should I forget about what I'm looking for?"

"It's not safe," he said simply. "And not in the way that your Justice League missions aren't safe. You could die. Others could die."

"And if that's a risk I'm willing to take?" 

Constantine stood, crushing his cigarette out beneath his foot. "You might be willing, love, but I'm not."

She stood too. "What gives you the right to make that decision for me?"

At that, he did smile, faint and mocking. "I'm the one that knows what you're after, I'd say that gives me all the rights." He tipped an imaginary hat to her. "Pleasure meeting you, Zatanna. Don't be a stranger now."

He walked away and left her standing there, fuming and alone, in Paddington Station. 

**San Francisco, California  
September 6, 2017**

The sound of applause battered at the closed curtain and the stage manager looked at Zatanna questioningly. 

She shook her head. "No second encore tonight, Mikey."

Mikey shrugged. "You're the boss." 

Zatanna laughed and left Mikey to it. She headed to her dressing room, eager to shed the fishnets and heels for sweats and slippers. Even though the costume for her stage show was virtually identical to what she wore for Justice League duties, it was amazing what those four extra inches of heel height could do to her feet. She thought, fleetingly, of Dick and his not-just-legendary-in-his-own-mind foot rubs. 

She wished that he was there. She knew that after the last month of ignoring his existence, she had no right to wish for that at all.

She opened the door to her dressing room and stepped inside.

"Still nothing more than baby magic, are you?"

She knew that voice. She reacted instinctively, " _Dnib mih_!"

Klarion brushed the ropes aside with a flick of his hand. "That wasn't very nice," he said, stepping closer. "And here I came here with something you want."

Zatanna folded her arms across her chest. "There's nothing you have that I could possibly want."

He smirked. "Are you sure?" he asked. He leaned in closer. "Absolutely _sure_? Because I think that I do."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Say it or get the hell out. I'm not in the mood for your games."

"Oh, I think you will be," he said. He bent forward, until he was uncomfortably close, until he could whisper in her ear. "A name."

She stayed where she was, though it cost her. "Whose name?"

"The name of the sorcerer that cursed your mother." He stepped back and shrugged. "Or maybe you don't actually want to know, and I should just--" 

He raised his hand to snap his fingers and depart, and Zatanna held up her own in answer.

"Wait."

He smirked again. "That's what I thought you'd say."

"What do you want for it?"

"Your help in casting the spell to summon him," he said. 

Zatanna was certain there would be more. Nothing with Klarion was ever that simple. "What else?"

"Don't you trust me?" Klarion asked.

"No," she said.

Klarion cackled. "Maybe you're not as stupid as I think you are."

"What else, Klarion?"

"For you to look the other way while I do whatever I want with the sorcerer--after you've questioned him, naturally."

Zatanna hesitated. It was what she wanted, but she didn't trust Klarion at all. Even if it sounded like a simple arrangement, there was certain to be some catch she didn't see bound up in what he was promising. But she wanted it so much, to finally _know_.

"I--" she said.

The door to her dressing room burst open and Dick appeared in the doorway. "Don't be mad," he said, and stepped closer, stopping only when he spotted Klarion. "What the hell is he doing here?"

"Oops," Klarion said. He smirked. "Three's a crowd."

Before Zatanna could stop him again, he raised his hand and vanished, leaving Zatanna alone with an incredibly pissed off Dick Grayson. 

"Hi," she said brightly. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Clearly," Dick said. He stepped closer, one hand closing around her arm when she tried to step back. "What was he doing here, Zee?"

She studied his face. He was doing his best Batman expression which she knew meant he was furious and that he was trying his best to contain it. She thought about lying to him, rejected it as a foolish plan. Telling the truth wasn't a good one either, but it was better than the alternative.

"He offered me a deal," she said.

Dick's eyes narrowed and his grip on her arm tightened. "What kind of deal?"

"The kind you're not going to like." 

It was a terrible attempt at deflection and she knew it. His other hand closed around her other arm and he squeezed, drawing her up to her toes. She didn't ask him to let her go.

"Zatanna," he said, her name nothing more than a growl. "What kind of deal?"

"An exchange of favors," she said. 

Dick made an impatient noise, low in his throat.

"I help him cast a spell and he gives me the man who cursed my family," she said. "I get my answers and when I'm through, Klarion gets to do what he wants with him."

Dick let her go and she fell back, rubbing at her arms. "No."

"Yes," she said, stepping forward and poking him in the chest. "You don't actually get a say in this. It's my life. It's my choice."

Dick flinched, almost imperceptibly, and she had to stifle the urge to reach out to him. She hadn't meant those words to wound, but he wouldn't thank her for the apology. He'd throw it back in her face and she'd deserve it. 

"He's lying to you," he said. He watched her not react to what he said and the amount of control he was exerting over his facial muscles to not react to that was truly impressive. "You know that and you're going to do it anyway."

"What choice do I have?" she asked. "Hope that someday Nabu lets my father out to play for a few hours and I can ask him? _It's my mother_ , Dick. If she's alive, if she's out there…" She shook her head. "I thought that if anyone would understand that, you would."

Dick laughed, a horrible ugly little sound. "Really? Let me see if I understand this: I don't get a say in you making an incredibly stupid choice, because it's your life and I don't get a say in it. But I'm supposed to know you well enough that I'll understand why you're doing it. Is that about right?"

He didn't wait for her answer, but turned to go. This time it was her doing the grabbing, her hand closing around his.

He stopped moving, but didn't look back at her. It wasn't a particularly encouraging sign, but it was better than nothing. She stepped closer, pressing herself against the length of his back, her hands settling low on his hips.

"Don't go," she said.

He shook his head. "Why should I stay?"

"Well," she said, and slid one of her hands forward. His hand closed around hers, almost immediately, stopping it before it could reach it's intended destination. 

"You want to fuck?" he asked. He laughed again, low and ugly. "I guess that is how we've always talked best, isn't it?"

Before she could protest, before she could think of a reason to, her back was against the door and his mouth was on hers. It wasn't gentle and it wasn't kind, but she reacted to it instinctively, giving him back what he demanded and asking for more.

His hands ripped at her costume, tearing through the fishnet stockings until he reached skin. He shoved her leotard to the side and touched her, finding her already wet. He thrust his fingers deep inside her and she gasped against his mouth.

The first orgasm took her by surprise and she would have crumpled to the floor if his body hadn't been pinning her to the door. He didn't relent, but immediately started working her towards another, fucking her with his fingers and biting at her throat. 

Her hands went to his belt, fighting first with the buckle and then with the button and zipper on his jeans. She shoved them down his hips, taking his cock in her hand, stroking him in the way what she knew drove him craziest. The groan that tore from his throat was a mark of personal triumph.

His hand at her hips, he lifted her. His hands gripped her so tight, she knew there would be bruises later. She didn't care.

He fucked her against the door, hard and fast. 

She let him. She wanted him to. 

He ripped another orgasm from her and took his own. When it was over, they both looked like victims of a small, private war.

He set her back on her feet and straightened what was left of her costume. She watched him pull up his pants, almost in a haze. 

When he was finished, he looked at her, shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said.

Before she could think of what to say in response, he was gone.

*

It was hours, or maybe minutes, later when Klarion reappeared in her dressing room. 

His arms full of his familiar, he raised an eyebrow. "Well?"

"Yes," she said.

**Central Anatolia Region, Turkey  
October 20, 2017**

It shouldn't have been a surprise when Klarion told her they would be casting the spell on the 20th of October, but Zatanna hadn't been thinking rationally at the time. The location hadn't come as a total surprise. After all, she'd known that her mother's people came from somewhere in Turkey, but she'd never been able to dig any information as to the location of the Hidden City from Shadowcrest's library. Even now, she wasn't sure how much of Klarion's chosen location was based on true knowledge or very careful guesswork. She supposed that in the end it didn't matter which it was.

She met Klarion at the edge of Tuz Gölü, as he'd demanded. She came alone, which he hadn't, but she hadn't had anyone to bring. Oh, Wally and Artemis or M'gann and Conner would have come if she'd asked, she was certain of that. Dick would have come too, for all that they hadn't spoken since that night in her dressing room, nearly two months ago. But she hadn't felt that she had the right to ask. 

This was her journey, her responsibility. It was her place to deal with any fallout that her decision to take Klarion's deal might cause. She couldn't ask her friends to clean up after her. Not for this.

Klarion was waiting for her when she arrived, protective circle nearly complete around him. Teekl alerted him to her presence and he looked at her with what might have been grudging admiration. "You came."

She raised an eyebrow. "You expected otherwise?"

He shrugged his shoulders, the utterly human gesture looking alien on him. "Baby magic."

She didn't scowl, though she wanted to. Instead, she stepped forward. "Are we doing this or aren't we?"

A slow, evil smile bloomed on his face, and she wanted very much to turn tail and run in the opposite direction. "I'm ready when you are." He swept his hand out towards the circle. "Join me."

She hesitated--just for a second--then stepped resolutely forward. Her foot raised to cross the boundary to the circle, and from above her, something knocked her back. She fell hard to the ground and when she looked up, Dr. Fate flew silently above her, her friends surrounding her in their own protective circle.

Klarion was gone.

Zatanna scrambled to her feet, her eyes flashing with fury. "How could you?" she yelled at them. 

She expected Dick to be the one to answer, but it was Wally who stepped forward. "Zat," he said, his voice careful. "Hear us out."

"What could there be to say?" she demanded. "I was so close to--"

Dr. Fate landed in front of her. "You would have died."

Zatanna blinked. That wasn't the answer she was expecting. "What?"

"You would have died," Dr. Fate said flatly. "Klarion knew that."

She stared at him. She didn't want to believe him. She couldn't--not after years of his lies and evasions and the knot in her chest every time she looked at him and he wasn't her father. "I don't believe you."

He nodded, as if he'd expected that reply. His hands went to his helmet and tugged it up. 

Her breath caught in her chest.

Her father's face looked back at her. "Will you believe me?"

"D-dad?"

Another nod, this time from the man that she'd spent the last seven years wishing she could have back, and Zatanna fell weeping into his arms.

*

When Zatanna came back to herself, her friends had all drawn back a discreet distance, except for Dick who was lurking just a little closer than he should have been. Her mouth turned up, just a little, and when he saw it, Dick finally let Artemis tug him back to join the others. 

She looked up at her father's worried face. "That boy isn't good enough for you," he said. 

Zatanna laughed. Seven years, a spell that would have killed her, and the second thing that her dad did after taking off the mask was criticize her taste in men. It felt indescribably right. 

"He knows that," she said. She raised a hand to touch her father's face. It was a little more weathered than the last time she'd seen it. There was more grey in his hair. But it was still him. "How?"

"Nabu and I made a deal," he said. He took her hand in his and squeezed. "I have to go back, sweetheart."

Her eyes wanted to fill again, but she held the tears back through sheer force of will. If they had this time, however little of it there might be, she wasn't going to waste it by crying anymore than she already had. "Why now?"

"Because it wasn't just you that would have died," he said. He held up a hand, warding her off when she would have interrupted with another question. "Please, let me explain. I should have told you all of this years ago, but I didn't know how." 

"Mom," she said.

He nodded. "Your mother was never dead. She left. To protect you. To protect both of us." He gave her a questioning look. "You found your mother's diaries, didn't you?"

"Yes," she said. "Shadowcrest gave them to me."

"Good," he said, squeezing her hand once more. "You should have them. I know she wanted you to. She loved you so much, Zatanna. You must never forget that."

"But why?" she asked. "Why did she have to go?"

Her father looked away then, far into the distance. When he finally spoke, Zatanna could feel that he wasn't really there with her any longer, but somewhere in the past. 

"We were never supposed to meet," he said. "Your mother and I. It was an accident--a wonderful accident--but it should never have happened. Somewhere in the past, something happened between our families that made them enemies. Since I was the last Zatara, there was no one on my side to object. But your mother's family was a different story." He laughed then, bitterly, and went on. "We knew that we had no chance of convincing her family that they should set the feud aside, so we married in secret and continued to hide our relationship. Your mother became pregnant almost immediately after, and so we had to abandon our plans. We went to the Hidden City together, to beg for their understanding, but it wasn't any use."

He looked up at her, his face lined with old pain. "Your mother loved us--and they used that against her."

Zatanna took his hand in hers and held it. "How?"

"A curse," her father said briefly. "A magician named Adulla, wrought a curse that if your mother had not returned to the Hidden City in exactly five years time, that you and I would die."

Zatanna stared at him. Whatever she'd been expecting, it wasn't that. "But--but, I was a _baby_ ," she said. "I wasn't even a baby at all yet! How could they have hated us that much?"

"We're Zataras," he said simply. "Your mother spent years hoping that they would relent, hoping that if they'd let themselves know you and love you," he touched her cheek tenderly, "because it would have been impossible for them not to love you, that they would find it impossible to carry through with the curse." He shook his head. "But the doors the Hidden City remained barred and your mother wasn't willing to take the chance, not with your life."

"So, she left," Zatanna said.

He nodded. "She left and I let you think she was dead."

Zatanna sat back, her head spinning. Of everything she'd ever imagined saying to her father or her father saying to her, a conversation about her not dead after all mother, had never crossed her mind. And yet here they were anyway.

"Zatanna?" her father said, a worried expression on his face. "I'm sorry. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, but you were so small. I didn't know how to make you understand. It seemed kinder to let you think that she'd died. And I had always meant to tell you the truth, but--" He gestured towards the helmet laying on the ground, and didn't finish his sentence. He didn't need to.

"It's okay," she said. "Actually, it's not, but it's not your fault." She shook her head, a wave of fury towards her mother's people washing over her. "What _assholes_."

Her father laughed, and Zatanna looked at him in surprise. "You are your mother's daughter," he said. "She said the same. Many times."

Zatanna's mouth curved up into a smile. "Good."

Her father leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "She would have said that, too."

She let herself laugh and rest her head against her father's chest. She knew that their time had to be running short, for Nabu wasn't the most patient of Lord of Order. But she didn't know if she'd ever get the chance to be hugged by her father again, and she wasn't going to pass the opportunity by when it was given to her.

But she had one more question. "But if the curse was just on mom, how would summoning Adulla have killed me? Us, I mean."

"Would you have been able to resist going after her?" he asked. 

She shook her head. "No."

"And Klarion wouldn't have let Adulla tell you of the risks." Her father shrugged helplessly. "There was a chance it wouldn't have mattered, that your mother could have stayed hidden, but it wasn't worth the risk. Your--" her father grimaced "--Nightwing, made that argument most persuasively to Nabu."

She looked at him in surprise. "Dick?"

Her father nodded. "He was determined to make Nabu intervene, to let _me_ intervene. Despite what I said before, he might just be good enough for you after all."

"Hm," Zatanna said. She looked over at her friends, to where Wally and Artemis were practically sitting on Dick to keep him where he was. "Maybe he is."

Her father smiled, fleetingly, and kissed her forehead once more. "I have to go."

She nodded. "I know."

He stooped to pick up the helmet from the ground, and when he rose, he looked impossibly old. He looked her straight in the eye. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she said.

Her father put the helmet back on and Dr. Fate rose from the ground in his place. Without another look, he flew off into the night.

It still hurt, but for the first time in years, it wasn't a raw wound. It was the kind of pain that meant that someday there might not be pain at all. And though that seemed impossible to her now, Zatanna knew that was what her father would want for her. 

Her friends surrounded her then, full of concern and worry, and she let it wash over her. She was loved. By her father, trapped though he was by Dr. Fate. By her mother, wherever she was. By her friends, who had worked to save her life, without her even knowing it.

And--she looked back over her shoulder at Dick, who was watching her with steadfast eyes--maybe even by a man who just might be good enough for her after all. 

She reached behind her to take his hand and when their fingers twined together, it felt something like home.

**Central City  
December 31, 2017**

"Please welcome to the dance floor the new Mr. and Mrs. Crock-West!"

Zatanna applauded with everyone else as a beaming Wally and Artemis began their first dance as married people. 

Married.

She shuddered. It just seemed so adult. Surely, they weren't grown up enough to be getting _married_. But then, those two had been practically married since the age of sixteen, so maybe they were actually late.

"Those look like awfully deep thoughts for a wedding reception," Dick's voice whispered in her ear. "I hope it's about me."

She turned her head and smiled at him, rather foolishly. 

Since that night in Turkey, things had been good between them. Surprisingly good. Startlingly good. 

Easy. In a way she hadn't known things could be between them.

It made her wonder if… No, she wasn't going to jump ahead of herself. She was perfectly happy right where she was and who she was with. 

Right now, in this moment, she didn't need more than that. Except maybe--

"Dance with me?" she asked.

He smiled at her and stood, holding out a hand. "I think that was supposed to be my line."

She set her hand in his and let him draw her to her feet. "You know me," she said. 

Dick laughed and led her out onto the dance floor, taking up a spot near the still beaming newlyweds. "I do."

She smiled into his coat and rested her head against his chest. 

*

They danced through the reception, through fast and slow songs, together and apart. But they always came back to each other in the end, and when the final song had played and they'd sent Wally and Artemis off with bubbles and old shoes, they were still together, walking hand-in-hand through the abandoned ballroom. 

"It was a good night," Dick said. 

"The best," Zatanna countered, with a laugh. "You know, Wally is going to be puffed up about this for the next year. At least."

"For forever," Dick corrected.

She laughed again. "You might be right."

"I'm always right," Dick said, grinning down at her. "Catch up."

Zatanna shook her head. "Give a man an inch--"

"We both know that it's a lot more than an inch," Dick said. 

"You are _terrible_ ," she said.

"You love me."

And though he said it jest, without any weight behind it, it was enough to change the mood. Gone was the light mood from just moments before and in its place was something heavier, more fraught.

It took him a minute, but Dick caught up. "Hey," he said, tugging on her hands until she came to a stop in front of him. "I was just--"

She took a breath and interrupted. "I do," she said. "Love you."

"I know," he said. He bent his head to brush his lips against hers. "I've always known that, Zee."

She shook her head. He didn't get it. "No," she said. "I _love_ you."

"Yes," he said. "I love you. You love me. This isn't new information."

"Oh, for the love of--" she muttered. She caught his hand in her again. "oT tsercwodahS!"

They reappeared in the foyer, to find it closed off in the way it had been on their first visit together. 

"I think your house forgot me," Dick said, looking around curiously. "It hasn't been like this since--"

"Since the first time, yes," Zatanna said. She wiped her suddenly sweaty palms on her dress. "And I'm pretty sure that it's like this because it's a different first time. Of sorts."

Dick looked confused. "I've been here before. A lot, even."

Zatanna rolled her eyes at him. "Are you really that dense?"

"Apparently," Dick said. He leaned back against the newel pole. "Enlighten me."

She didn't stamp her foot, though she wanted to. "I am _trying_ to ask you to move in with me, but you are strongly making me want to reconsider the offer!"

For a moment, Dick looked stunned. Then he smiled, slow and dangerous, the one that he used to get exactly what he wanted. Like this was maybe exactly what he wanted.

"Yes," he said.

She blinked up at him. She hadn't expected it to be that easy somehow. "Yes?"

"Yes," he said again. 

He kissed her, then, Zatanna was certain to stop her from saying anything else and spoiling the moment, because at the end of the day, Dick had spent an awful lot of time with Wally over the years and had certain expectations about not ruining romantic moments. But--

She tore her mouth away. "Shadowcrest doesn't have to stay here. We can find a spot in Bludhaven. We don't have to live here at all. We--"

"Zee," Dick said, covering her mouth with his hand. "We'll figure it out."

Maybe it was that simple. They'd figure it out. Together.

Zatanna nodded and Dick moved his hand.

"As you were," she said. 

Dick shook his head at her, in amusement or disgust, it was hard to tell the difference.

She was laughing when he kissed her.


End file.
